Conflict of Interest

So, I dumped my counselor. But it wasn’t easy. I had second thoughts and guilt. I’m still hanging on to my people pleasing crap I guess. I was more worried about hurting her feelings than me getting the best help.

So after all my anxiety, I called to ask if I could switch to my husband’s counselor. I’ve been seeing him too for our marriage issues but it’s always together. But I think technically, he’s my husband’s counselor not mine.

So when I called the receptionist said it might be a conflict of interest. It didn’t really cross my mind, but apparently seeing me might be a problem. That really sucks because I clicked with this counselor and I never do that. Mostly because I usually see women counselors and they tend to irritate me. They make suggestions of positive thinking and it just annoys me. Don’t they think I might have already tried that?

But this counselor is male. OK, saying that out loud sounds weird but I just get along better with guys than I do women. And that’s not to say I hate women. My doctor is female. My best friend is female. But sometimes I feel more like I click with guys. And sometimes I don’t. But in this case, his advice has helped me a lot. I figured if he could work on a few of my personal issues (anxiety, my anger, my hurt) then that would actually help my marriage too.

So I’m bummed it might be a conflict of interest. They are going to call me back and let me know for sure.

Truthfully, if he can’t do it, I don’t want to find a different counselor. I have trust issues. It took me alot to open up to him and to my last counselor so starting with someone else feels emotionally exhausting. And he knows all the shit going on in my family so I don’t feel like explaining that all over again. It makes me want to cry because I find someone who seems to get it and also offers realistic, non-cheesy advice and I see improvement from his wisdom yet I can’t go there. Ugh. How unfair.

My husband and I don’t keep things from each other and so if by chance the counselor couldn’t keep our stories separated, I’d see that as a potential issue, except for me I wouldn’t care. And neither would my husband. We are in this together.

But I guess rules are rules. They have them for a reason. But I’ll be bummed out if I’m not able to seek therapy from him. I know there are other really good counselors that I could try. It’s just hard to build up trust and it takes a long time.

Counselors are a bit like hair stylists. If you find a good one, it’s hard to go anywhere else. If you do, you might end up with a crappy hair cut and regrets.

Here’s to hoping the rules can be broken.

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