Fit This Pizza in My Mouth

The battle of the bulge. Getting in shape. Losing Weight. Whatever you call it, losing pounds is hard work.

I’ve been trying to work out 3x a week with weights and HIIT training. If you don’t know what that is, it’s using intervals to speed up your heart rate. It’s supposed to help you lose weight faster than just running for 45 minutes straight. Instead, you run for 30 seconds and get your heart to the target zone which is optimal for burning fat, then lower your heart rate for 2-3 minutes. You do this for a total of 30 minutes.

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Photo by Tirachard Kumtanom on Pexels.com

Unfortunately, I hurt my knee so running and even elliptical have proven to be difficult. My knee is better but I’m a bit scared to use it. What if I injure it again? 40 seems like a good time for that crap to happen.

Anyway, I’m doing my best with the HIIT but my diet sucks. I don’t like diets and I don’t crave veggies. If you put any kind of sweets in my face, I consume it. It’s really all or nothing with me. I can’t eat sweets in moderation. So my best bet is to not eat them at all. Unfortunately, I get really depressed eating that way. But then I can’t lose weight. Like not even a pound!

Despite my crappy eating plan, I still am getting muscles. It’s not getting there as fast as I want them to, but it still is getting there. Unfortunately, I need to lose a lot of fat to get my body back in shape. It’s tiring. Sometimes I just don’t care. I know I’ll never look like a super model or even a plus size model (LOL).

I gained 5 lbs back that I lost which is super annoying. It’s because we have been eating so awful. Mostly because our whole family is stressed. What’s stressed spelled backwards? Desserts. Mmm Hmm.

Anyway, I have to go today to get my new set of exercises which gets switched out every 6 weeks. I’m really not looking forward to it because 1) my knee still isn’t in top condition and I know she’s going to give me squats or something and I’ll have to tell her no, and 2) she’ll want to weigh me. It’s awful being weighed at the gym. The personal trainer is 50 and she looks better than I did at 20. She’s this cute, little woman and I’m an Amazonian. Even if I lost 50 lbs, I would still look big compared to her. She’s just tiny. I’m not. I’m tall, long legged, and overweight. Not fun. I always hate getting weighed!

I was talking to my husband about all of this the other day and he made the point that our stress relief is often food. I agreed. It’s hard to change everything. It’s hard to relieve stress by eating a veggie. But, I know I could definitely try to eat better.

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Well, hopefully I can figure out a way to lose the weight. It’s hard with all the stress and time constraints in my life right now. But I’m gonna keep working out and trying. Maybe someday my eating plan will catch up.

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I should’ve been a cow

For the last weeks, every other day, I’ve been at the gym doing cardio and strength training. I joined a woman’s gym and they offer a training plan then you meet with a trainer and adjust the plan after 12 workouts. This is included in the membership fee which is great. I’ve lost 12 pounds since April 1st by eating better and then later adding in my workouts & sticking to them.

But some days I tend to really get sick of the routine. Sometimes I want to eat fast food or stuff my face with cookies and not workout. It’s especially hard because my family isn’t on any special diet so they eat whatever they want. I sometimes have to sit there and smell chocolate or cinnamon rolls and not have one. I’m not about deprivation but I know I can’t eat just one so avoid it like the plague.

Yesterday I decided to eat one cookie. It had m&ms and chocolate and lots of sugar. I ate it, feeling rather guilty but reminding myself it was just one. I got sick. And that was the end of my fun.

I have dairy issues and I tend to get stomach problems if I eat it. Today the inside of my ears itch like crazy which is also from dairy.

I honestly hate dairy if it wasn’t for chocolate. The only thing I seem to tolerate is butter. Not sure why. Maybe it has less lactose. But most foods tend to make me sick. And the cookie kind of ruined my digestion after I had it working well. Damn cookies. Damn temptations.

It feels a bit depressing to eat a limited diet and then bust my ass at the gym. I’m trying to lose 40 more pounds, maybe 50. That’s like the weight of a child. Ridiculous I got this big. Thank you hormones.

My sister asked me to be in her wedding and I cringed. This is the dress she wants me to wear.

Moo.

I’m excited to be apart of her big day but honestly dreading wearing a dress made for a tiny framed person.

So every time I’m at the gym, I think of that dress and think I’m one step closer to not looking like a fat guy in a little coat.

Anyway 12 pounds is a great start for now. I’ve leveled off and I’m only losing 1-2 pounds a week. I might be able to lose 20 lbs by her wedding. I’ll still be fat, but less fat.

Working out is a lot of work. Eating well is even harder. How do people enjoy this lifestyle? I know I don’t.